Ok so we didn’t have a great start to the week but Elliot soon got over it and seems to be accepting the idea that school finishes on Friday with a beach party that Oliver can attend.  Before that we make our weekly trip to PTS for our OT and SLT sessions.  Elliot is quickly getting used to going into his OT session with Joyce on his own whilst I wait for him.  I can here him squealing and laughing so I guess he is enjoying himself.  We head into the session for the last 5 minutes for a quick update.  Joyce is really pleased with the progress he is making and is really working hard with him to try and get him to open up a little more.  Armed with the picture he has drawn with Joyce we head to our SLT session.  Again we have another good session with Christie and he is really improving with his conversational skills.  He is still struggling with some words and everything seems to get blended together when he has been talking for a while and the sentences are longer.  Christie does an exercise with him to try and get him to slow down so that he can get his words out more clearly.  It seems to be working so our home work this week will need to be working on this.

Elliot is pretty happy today as he knows that daddy will be home soon.  We head to the beach party and he doesn’t really join in so much with the other children but is more that happy to have Olly there so that he can squirt water at him :o).  The beach party finishes and we say our goodbyes and hope that we will catch up with some of Elliots school friends over the summer.  Infact we have a major break through and he asks if he can have some friends come to play at the house.  Lets hope we can sort out some play dates.

Riding high from the success and improvements at fridays sessions today should be  a breeze right?  Wrong :o(  I have been reminding Elliot that we have a play group this morning and that after that we will go home and head to school.  Just a formality really as he is pretty much used to this routine now, however reminding him generally makes life a little easier as he knows what is coming and there are less surprises.  I gave him a new car prior to going to the purposeful play programme (for being a good boy yesterday) so he is pretty excited to show his friends.  This seems to have helped him break the ice and he has a great last session with his friends, which his teacher comments on and is really pleased about.  Which is reflected by the class notes finally it looks like the social pieces are starting to click for him too, great :o)  (A small niggling doubt is making me think he handles situations better with a prop hmmm will consider this more as time goes on)  Also it looks like the mums of the other boys in the play group are free on fridays so we are going to meet up and have playdates over the summer.  Hopefully this will really help Elliot to play with children who have similar challenges to him.

Elliot: Session 9

• Cheers: shared about his cars from home.  Showed everyone his race car and talked about it.  Followed the group plan and kept with the group – kept his body with the group, less wait time before responding, did not hang back from the group, even though it was a noisy busy day he stayed near his friends and imitated some actions, joined in the fun of the recycle town.  Close to peers when popping bubbles with the “grabbers” had a big smile on his face.

• Challenge: maintaining group peer play, speaking to peers.

We head home and I am getting lunch ready before Elliot goes to school and I remind him that he needs to have lunch then he can go to school and play with his friends.  His eyes fill with tears he puts his hands over his face and breaks down.  OMG what is this for?????  I go to him and give him a big hug and he sits on my knee sobbing.  Through the tears he tells me that he doesn’t want to go to school :o(  In the whole time he has been gong to Mulberry Elliot has only ever refused to go to school twice once with the whole plaster incident a few weeks ago and today.  I am absolutely gob smacked as he gets upset when he is poorly and isn’t able to go to school.  So why the tears now?  I ask Elliot why he doesn’t want to go to school and he tells me that he doesn’t have any friends and that nobody will play with him because they don’t like him.  I can literally feel my heart breaking and swallow down the tears and try to stay strong for Elliot.  I tell him that he is a very quiet little boy and that there isn’t anything wrong with that.  I try and explain to him that when he wants to play with the boys at school he has to talk to them and use his “big loud voice” so that they can hear him.  I tell him that I know it is hard for him and that is ok too and that he will find it easier the more he does it.  For the first time on this journey and I am sure it isn’t going to be the last, I feel totally and utterly out of my depth.  How the hell do you explain to a 4 year old the complexity of social interactions and that for him it just doesn’t come naturally and he needs to work on it and probably always will.  He cheers up with a well timed bribe that if he goes to school I will take him to target and he can pick a new toy.  Total cop out I know but I needed to encourage him to go to school.  I have a quick chat with Bonny his teacher at school and explain the situation.  I know there are only 3 days left of school and there isn’t really anything more she can do to help I just thought she should be aware of the situation just incase he gets upset again.  He lets me leave him at school without a big fuss.

I head home pretty devastated. I am at a loss as to what I can do to help him more than I am already doing.  I guess there are a few things and PTS have already suggested another session during the summer so I get the paperwork out to tackle later (more paperwork :o(…).  I decide that I should maybe be upfront with a few of the moms at school especially the ones I know have signed up for JK next year.  I pull myself back together with a decisive plan of action and head to pick Elliot up from school.  On the way into class I chat with one of the moms and she tells me she has been helping Elliot join in play with another boy and that they had great fun together.  I suggested that we maybe get together over the summer to make an easier transition for both boys into JK. Yey she agrees and says she will message me so we can get together over the summer.   I also talk to another mum/mom and we swap numbers.  Fingers crossed that we manage to get some play dates going and this hopefully will really help.  I am more hopeful for what the summer can bring if we get organised and don’t overload Elliot too much

The rest of the day is pretty uneventful.  We head to bed and we are sat reading stories as he is in an amiable mood, I decide to play a game with him. He is talking to me so I put my hand in front of my face and talk quietly and he can’t hear me.  I also do a few other things like talk quietly without looking at him.  He tells me he can’t hear me and we have a little laugh about it and I tease him that I was using my quiet voice.  I tell him that I  have an idea should I use my big loud mummy voice he thinks this is a good idea and smiles when he can hear me again.  I ask him if he thinks maybe his friends at school just don’t hear him and that he needs to use a big loud voice like mummy when talking to them.  I am hoping to do this exercise with him over the next few days and see if it works for him. Fingers crossed.

I guess if you are keeping up to date with A 4 Aspergers you might be wondering why there hasn’t been an update from Mondays session at TSSV.  Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten to post, the session was not on as it was a public holiday here too.  So Elliot gets the day off, not that he really thinks he is doing anything other than playing.  So it is along week between sessions as his next session is friday with PTS…..

As Simon is away in the UK and I have no option but to take Oliver to Elliots session, so we head to PTS together.  Elliot seems to be quickly striking a bond with Joyce and is always happy to go play with her.  Lets hope that it is the same today as I will be leaving him in the class and then just going in for a 5 minute session towards the end.  I find this really frustrating as it is interesting to see what they are doing with him to know if there is any follow up at home we could be doing.  I can’t help think though it will be better for Elliot in the long run.  His 45 minute session goes really slowly trying to entertain Oliver and worrying about Elliot.  We head in for the last 5 minutes to catch up with how the session has gone.  They made an obstacle course again, sticking with the the picture maps theme Joyce helped Elliot draw what they did so he could explain to me and Miss Christie.  They played with the stretchy tunnel again, fish swing, trampoline, flip flop faces & Trapeze all to help work on strength co-ordination and motor skill. Joyce comments that he did fine without me there but was a little quiet again and reverted to lots of screaming/pointing rather than talking and communicating with her.  So little change I guess really.  He is however pretty relaxed and doesn’t seem anxious that I didn’t stay for the session so we agree that next week we will try the same.  Elliot also informs me that he likes playing with Miss Joyce on his own so it looks like this is the way forward.

As we head to the SLT session with Christie Joyce asks me if we had plans for therapy for the summer.  I tell her that we had considered the sessions at PTS  but it didn’t work out with our holiday plans.  Joyce still recommended that it would be worth putting him in a language and motor group to really help him in social situations even if he were to miss some because of his holidays.

We sit in SLT and wait for Miss Christie armed with the map of Gilroy gardens and the pictures on the ipad that we promised to prepare last week.  We also had one of Elliots favourite reading books with us that he insisted on brining.  Elliot is really pleased to see Christie and tells her all about what he did in his session with Joyce and is really making a big effort to speak clearly and form sentences.  He moves on to the map he brought from Gilroy gardens and he tells her what we did there and he then reinforces it with the pictures from the ipad and explains to her who everyone is.  He is really animated and really enjoying chatting to Christie and really opens up to her.  He then shows her his book that he brought with him and reads pretty much all of the stories to her well as best as he can as he can’t actually read.  It was pretty amazing really as i have only been reading the book with him for a few weeks and he nearly knew it all.  After he finished the book he told her that his poorly finger was better and that he had a been having some strange dreams.  He then went onto to describe the dreams very vividly to her.  It was amazing it was like someone had turned on a tap, the shy little boy that never speaks couldn’t be silenced.  The best thing was that he was really forming his words well and communicating easily with Christy and he was enjoying it :o)  It was a great feeling to see him opening up.  I got a big pat on the back from Christy she was really pleased with the massive progress he is making in a short period of time.  So we agree to do the same next week. In retrospect I am worried that he has done so well this week because Oliver was there. I suppose for the speech and language it doesn’t matter or does it.  I guess for next week Oliver will be present again and then we can see what Christie thinks going forward.  Christie has also mentioned about PTS sessions for Elliot. Maybe we should consider another programme and to hell with the expense.

Trying to work out the best thing for Elliot can be a never ending task and some times a lonely one too.  The constant questions I ask myself drive me crazy.  Do we do enough with him? Should we push him out of his comfort zone a little more? Is he getter better? Is he getting worse, Will he get much better?  Are we doing enough to help?  Is this the behavior of a “normal” 4 year old or is it different? The questions are endless and sometimes you can feel like you are the only one that has these issues to deal with.

This really is just not he case at all.  I realised this after bumping into a friend I met when I first arrived here, at a BBQ on Memorial Day.  She asked what was new with us and after a little small talk I decide to talk to her about Elliot and his pending Aspergers diagnosis.  She shared with me that her eldest child has Aspergers quite badly and that her youngest has it also.  Wow! amazingly she is going to one of the sessions we are going to and has great things to say about TSSV which is very reassuring she also thinks that she may have details of other summer programmes that really might work out for  Elliot.  It is so nice to know that you are not alone on this journey albeit a little scary to have a reminder that both the boys may have Aspergers.  Although Oliver is currently at the other end of the spectrum and very sociable who knows if this will last forever, at least we know what warning signs to be looking out for in the meantime.

Friday is here already and luckily Simon is working from home this morning so that I can head to the therapy session without Oliver in tow.  At the moment I am sitting in on all of his sessions as it would be too disruptive for Oliver to be in there also he stays at home.  We arrive at PTS sign in and after a short wait head to the gym with Miss Joyce.  Elliot seems very quiet and I am wondering if the early morning sessions are not working for him and if we should be a little later.  Obviously an earlier session would work for me as currently he has a 8.15 start which considering some days he doesn’t get up until after8 this can be a little difficult as we have to wake him early.  Not always a good idea :o)  Joyce gets straight to work and has a quick chat with Elliot about the toy he brought to class today.  One of Elliots little quirks is that he can’t leave the house with out some sort of toy.  This is not such a great deal but each day the idea of what he wants to take out with him changes and it can delay the house leaving process by a good 15minutes.  As I am usually running late this little “quirk” can get very stressful and tearful for Elliot.  Joyce asks Elliot what he would like to do today and she suggests they make an obstacle course.  Elliot is not as “animated ” as he was last week and keeps looking back to me for reassurance.  When Joyce asks a question he looks at me to answer for him.  Which clearly in the past I have been doing too much.  I encourage him to speak in his big loud voice and tell miss Joyce himself.  He tries his best but you can see how hard this is for him.  The poor guy just when you feel that some real progress is being made and that he maybe isn’t as shy as we think he has a session like this.  During the building of the obstacle course he keeps looking back to me to answer for him.  He does warm up by the time the course it built and really gets into the flow but it takes a big part of the session.  I wonder if me being in the session is holding him back.  I ask Joyce and as next week Simon is out of town I suggest that he attends the session himself and see if he gets on any better.  Working on one of the techniques that Christie started last week Joyce asks Elliot what his favourite part of the obstacle course was.  He tells her it was the stretchy tunnel so they draw a picture together to help explain to Miss Christie what fun they had swinging in the tunnel and doing wiggles.

Onto the SLT session.  I am sat on the floor playing with toys with Elliot when Jayne pops her head around the corner.  Apparently Miss Christie is running late.  This really isn’t an issue as we don’t plan too much during the day to get a smooth transition for Elliot to get to school.   Christie arrives and Elliot proudly shows her his toy and tries to tell her all about it.  He shows her the drawing he has done with Joyce and does his best to explain to Christie what he has been doing in OT.  She asks how we have been getting on and I tell her we have been doing the exercises and that he is doing a lot better at telling us what he has been doing at school.  I tell her that we are making a big effort to help him correct words he is struggling to pronounce we are reading lots more books to help with language development and encouraging him to speak as much as possible.  Christie comments that she can already see a big improvement in him which is really reassuring.  I discuss with Christie how she thinks having him in session on his own will work.  She suggest we give it a go and ask me to prepare some things to talk to Elliot about.  I tell her we are going to Gilroy gardens so she asks that we bring back a map and take photographs of the day out.  Elliot tells her that he will be playing on the Xbox so Christie asks him to draw a picture of what happens in the game so he can tell her all about it next week.  Elliot seems to think that this is a good idea and has a good session chatting to Christy.  I think it is fair to say that when Christy gets her Ipad out his eyes light up, they play a couple of games together and chat about them.  He has a quick game on angry birds as a tool to engage more conversation from him which he just manages.  We quickly discuss how next week session will work with me having Oliver in tow and agree that Elliot will spend most of the session on his own and I will join for the last 5-10minutes.

In other news we have finally managed to get him to remove his plaster from last weeks finger cut.  He went from being completely adamant about not having a plaster on to being obsessed with wearing one.  I sometimes struggle with these changes in direction with him and constantly seem to be asking myself does he have aspergers, are we imagining things on a good day.  On a bad day I am then on the other side, OMG he definitely has and am I in complete denial that he is much worse than we possibly think.  Oh the indecision and the endless questioning is driving me crazy.  At least it isn’t too long now until his session at the Centre fro Developing minds, hopefully this will give us the clarification we need, role on the 14th……